Listen to the Beat

What do you do when you have no motivation? I know that I should do it, but I don't want to. Ahhhh, I hate school. Am I allowed to have senioritis yet?

I should be playfully flirting, not holding my breath waiting for one person. What the heck is that all about? It should be fun, it should make me laugh and make me smile, not make me want to cry. So there it is, my epiphany. I should be happy instead of sad, what a novel concept. And the funny thing is that I seem to have (excuse the gay cowboy reference) "quit you". Whats the point? It just got so silly, the moping around, the "woe is me" shindig started to annoy even me. And I don't feel it anymore. Maybe I can only be sad about either my love life or trig and trig just won out this semester. Yeah... that sounds good.

X IT UP!

You Are
[] short, under 5'0
[] 5'0 - 5'3
[] 5'4 - 5'6
[] 5'7 -5'9
[x] 5'10 - 6'0
[] tall 6'1 and up

NATURALLY
[] blonde
[] redhead
[] auburn
[] brunette
[x] {dirty blonde}/brownish
[] dark brown
[] black

[] blue-eyed
[] brown-eyed
[] green-eyed
[] hazel eyed
[] gold/gray-eyed
[] silver/gray- eyed
[x] blue/green-eyed
[] blue/grey-eyed
[] they change colors

[x] glasses
[] contacts
[] neither

[] short hair
[x] medium
[] long hair
[] mohawk

Your favorite color(s) are?
[X] red
[] blue
[] turquoise
[X] green
[] silver
[] purple
[] brown
[] orange
[] grey
[] aqua
[] pink
[] yellow
[] white
[] black

You've been:
[] rafting
[x] water skiing
[] camping
[X] horseback riding
[X] surfing and skim/wakeboarding
[] water polo
[x] snowboarding
[] skiing
[] skateboarding
[] cheerleading
[] lacrosse
[] street hockey
[] gymnastics
[] martial arts
[] bmx
[x] tubing
[] mudding
[] mud wrestling

You listen to?
[x] country
[] classical
[x] techno
[x] oldies
[] opera
[] reggeaton
[] emo
[] 80's
[] disco
[] hardcore
[X] rock
[] rap
[] r&b
[]classic rock
[X] punk rock
[x] pop
[] ska

The pets you have HAD home or have?
[] cat
[X] dog
[] lizard
[] rat
[] ferret
[] bunny
[] fish
[] duck
[] horse
[] bird
[] frog
[] hermit crab
[] prairie dog
[] none
[] turtle
[] hamster
[] snake
[] gerbil
[] guinea pig
[] pig
[] goat
[] chinchilla
[] tarantula
[] geese
[] chicken
[] mouse
[] sugar glider

Clothing Brands you like?
[x] American Eagle
[x] Hollister
[] Buckle
[] Abercrombie & Fitch
[x] Wal-mart
[x] Wet Seal
[X] O'neil
[X] PacSun
[] Aeropostale
[] Dickies
[] {Quiksilver}/Roxy
[] Hurley/Volcom
[] Guess
[] Lucky
[] Champs
[] Salvation army/goodwill
[] other thrift stores
[X] if i like it i'll wear it
[] Old navy
[] south pole
[] ecko
[X] i don't really care about clothing brands
[X] hot topic
[X]for me it just depends on what it is
[x] ax
[] banana republic
[] rhuel
[] diesel

Shoe Brands?
[x] Nike
[] Adidas
[] Reebok
[x] Converse
[x] Puma
[x] K Swiss
[] Steve Madden
[] Vans
[] New Balance
[] LEI
[X] Etnies
[] DC
[] Phat Farm
[] osiris
[] aldo
[] dvs
[] Doc. Martins
[] ADIO
[] Globe
[X] other

States I have been to.
[] Alabama
[] Alaska
[x] Arizona
[] Arkansas
[X] California
[x] Colorado
[] Connecticut
[]Delaware
[x] Florida
[] Georgia
[X] Hawaii
[x] Idaho
[x] Illinois
[x] Indiana
[] Iowa
[] Kansas
[] Kentucky
[] Louisiana
[] Maine
[x] Maryland
[] Massachusetts
[x] Michigan
[] Minnesota
[] Mississippi
[]Missouri
[] Montana
[] Nebraska
[x] Nevada
[] New Hampshire
[] New Jersey
[x] New Mexico
[] New York
[] North Carolina
[] North Dakota
[] Ohio
[] Oklahoma
[] Oregon
[x] Pennsylvania
[] Rhode Island
[] South Carolina
[] South Dakota
[] Tennessee
[] Texas
[x] Utah
[] Vermont
[] Virginia
[] Washington
[x] Washington DC
[] West Virginia
[] Wisconsin
[] Wyoming
[X] foreign countries

Your confessions:
[x] I am very ticklish
[] I've collected comic books
[x] I read the newspaper
[X] I love Disney movies
[] I don't kill bugs
[] I have/used to have "x"s in my screen name
[] I cook well
[] I have worn pajamas to class
[x] I like Martha Stewart
[] I LOVE someone
[] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS
[x] I'm self conscious
[X] I love to laugh.
[] I have tried a cigarette
[] I can't swallow pills
[] I bite my nails
[] Gotten lost in a city
[] Gone out in public in your pajamas
[] Made out in an elevator
[] Been skydiving
[] Been bungee jumping
[] Bitten someone like playfully
[] egged a house/car
[] crashed into a car
[] Been fired
[] Been skinny dipping
[] smoked weed

Have you ever...
[] stolen a sign
[X] danced in the rain
[x] seen a shooting star
[] proposed to anyone
[] gotten stitches
[X] eaten Sushi
[X] gotten the chicken pox
[X] ridden in a taxi
[] went on a cruise ship
[] driven over 400 miles in one day
[] been on a plane by yourself
[] had plastic surgery
[x] seen a movie more than 3 times in the theater
[] been on stage
[] gotten a black eye
[] memorized all the dialogue in a movie
[] watched an entire baseball game on tv

Do you like...
[x] old movies
[X] musicals
[X] blasting music in the car
[X] foreign foods
[x] christmas time
[X] animals
[X] coffee

How much have you LIVED?

[x] I've eaten more than 5 meals a day
[x] I've read a lot of books.
[ ] I've been on some sort of varsity team.
[x] I've run more than 2 miles without stopping.
[x] I've been to Canada.

[x ] I've been to Europe.
[ x] I've watched cartoons for hours.
[x] I've tripped UP the stairs.
[] I've fallen down an entire flight of stairs.
[ x] I've been snowboarding/skiing.

[x] I've played ping pong.
[ ] I've played beer pong.
[X] I've swam in the ocean.
[x] I've been on a whale-watch.
[X] I've seen fireworks.

[x ] I've seen a shooting star.
[ ] I've seen a meteor shower.
[ ] I've almost drowned.
[x] I've peed my bed/pants.
[x] I've been so embarrassed I wanted to disappear.

[x] I've listened to one cd over & over & over again.
[] I've had stitches.
[x] I've been on the honor roll.
[ ] I've had frostbite.
[ ] I've licked a frozen pole and got stuck there.

[X] I've stayed up til 2 doing homework/projects.
[ ] I've had a job before/currently have a job.
[x] I've been ice skating.
[x] I've been rollerblading.
[X] I like big roller coasters
[ ] I've fallen flat on my face.

[x] I've tripped over my own two feet.
[] I've been in a fist fight.
[ ] I've played videogames for more than 3 hours straight
[ ] I've passed out from being drunk.
[x] I've watched the power rangers.

[x] I've/I do attend Church regularly.
[x] I've played truth or dare.
[x] I've already had my 16th birthday.
[] I've already had my 17th birthday.
[X] I've gained weight since one year ago.

[x] I've lost weight since one year ago.
[X] but then gained it back
[x] I've called someone stupid. And meant it.
[x] I've been in a verbal argument.
[x] I've cried in school.
[ ] I've played basketball on a team.

[ ] I've played baseball on a team.
[ ] I've played football on a team.
[] I've played soccer on a team.
[ ] I've done cheerleading on a team.
[ ] I've played softball on a team.

[ ] I've played tennis on a team.
[ ] I've been on a swim team.
[] I've been on a track team.
[X] I've been swimming more than 20 times in my life.
[ ] I've bungee jumped.

[x] I've climbed a rock wall.
[X] I've lost more than $20.
[x] I've called myself an idiot.
[x] I've called someone else an idiot.
[X] I've cried myself to sleep.

[x] I've had pets.
[ ] I've owned a spice girls cd.
[x]I've owned a britney spears cd.
[x] I've owned an N*Sync cd.
[xI've owned a backstreet boys cd.

[ ] I've gone skinny dipping.
[ ] I've mooned someone.
[] I've sworn at someone in authority.
[ ] I've been in the newspaper.
[ ] I've been on TV.

[x] I've been to Hawaii.
[x] I've eaten sushi.
[ ] I've been on the other side of a waterfall.
[X] I've watched all of the Lord of the Rings movies.
[x] I've watched all of the Harry Potter movies.
[ ] I've watched all of the Rocky movies.
[ ] I've watched the 3 stooges.
[x] I've watched "Newlyweds" Nick & Jessica.
[x] I've watched Looney Tunes.
[x] I've stuffed myself
[ ] I've been stuffed into a locker.

[x] I've been called a geek.
[] I've dumped someone.
[] I've been dumped.
[x] I've studied hard for a test and got a bad grade.
[x] I've not studied at all for a test and aced it.

[x] I've hugged my mom within in the past 24 hrs.
[x] I've hugged my dad within the past 24 hours.
[ ] I've met a celebrity/music artist.
[x] I've written poetry.
[ ] I've been arrested.

[x] I've been attracted to someone much older than me.
[x] I've been tickled till I've cried.
[ ] I've tickled someone else until they cried.
[x] I've had/have siblings.
[X] I've been to a rock concert.

[ ] I've listened to classical music and enjoyed it.
[] I've been in a play.
[X] I've been picked last in gym class.
[ ] I've been picked first in gym class.
[x] I've been picked in that middle-range in gym class.

[x] I've cried in front of my friends.
[x] I've read a book longer than 1,000 pages.
[ ] I've played Halo 2.
[ ] I've freaked out over a sports game.
[ ] I've been to Alaska.

[ ] I've been to China.
[ ] I've been to Spain.
[] I've been to Japan.
[x] I've had a fight with someone on-line.
[x] I've had a fight with someone face-to-face.

[x] I've forgiven someone who has done something wrong to me.
[x] I've been forgiven.
[] I've been in love.
[x] I've screamed at a scary movie.
[x] I've cried at a chick flick.

[x] I've watched a lot of action movies.
[x] I've cried at a commercial.
[] I've told someone to fuck off.
[] I've screamed at the top of my lungs.
[ ] I've been to a rap concert.

[ ] I've been to a hip hop concert.
[x] I've lived in more than 2 houses.
[X] I've driven on the highway
[x] I've driven more than 40 miles in a day
[X] I've been in a car accident

[X] I've been home sick.
[x] I've thrown up
[ ] I've puked all over someone.
[X] I've been horseback riding.

[] I've filled out more than 10 blog surveys.
[X] I've spoken my mind in public.
[x] I've proved someone wrong.
[x] I've been proven wrong by someone.
[ ] I've broken a leg.

[x] I've broken an arm.
[x] I've fallen off a swing.
[x] I've swung on a swing for more than 30 mins straight.
[] I've watched Winnie the Pooh movies.
[ x] I've forgotten my backpack when I've gone to school.

[ x] I've lost my backpack.
[x ] I've come close to dying.
[ ] I've seen someone die.
[x] I've known someone who has died.
[x] I've wanted to be an actor/actress at some point.

[x ] I've done modeling.
[x] I've forgotten to brush my teeth some mornings.
[x] I've taken something/someone for granted.
[X] I've realized how good my life is.
[x] I've counted my blessings.

[x] I've been made fun of by classmates.
[x] I've made fun of a classmate.
[ ] I've been on a date.
[ ] I've been asked on a date and said no.
[ ] I've asked someone on a date and been turned down.

[] I've slapped someone in the face.
[] I've been skateboarding.
[] I've been backstabbed by someone I thought was a friend.
[x] I've lied to someone to their face.
[x] I've told a little white lie.

[x] I've taken a day off from school just so I don't go insane.
[ ] I've fainted.
[ ] I've blacked out.
[ ] I've had an argument with someone about whether cheerleading is a sport or not.
[] I've pushed someone into a pool.

[] I've been pushed into a pool.
[ ] I've had/have a broken nose.
[ ] I've had a black eye.
[x] I've lost a tooth.
[] I've chipped a tooth.

[X] I've been called an under achiever.
[x] I've been called an over achiever

I'm not happy being alone. But I'm not unhappy. I think that I've just accepted that it's not meant to happen now. If I had a pyschiatrist, he would say that that is a very healthy opinion to have. It's very empowering. I'm not waiting for anyone, but if love comes and hits me between the eyes, then great. If not, I won't be dissapointed (at least not too much).

I'm still not emotionally where I want to be. I feel a little bit shaky, but thats to be expected after a breakdown right? I just need to breathe and relax. Maybe I'll have a bath. Maybe I need to start yoga. I wonder if that would help...

First time crying in second semester = today.

The moral of the story is supposed to be that you work really hard, do all the work, and over come your obsticles. Thats what it's supposed to be, but I keep trying hard and doing all the work and I keep failing. I don't know what to change, and it's really frustrating. Not to mention that everyone thinks that I have the mental stability of a teacup teatering on the edge of a table. I guess I can kiss Senior Prefect good-bye. Not that I seriosuly considered- never mind.

I have no plans for this weekend because everyone had to go and be proactive and actually take the SATs before April 1st. Oh well. I guess I can sit at home and fastforward and rewind The Shawshank Redemption looking for cuts. Sounds exciting.

AHHHHH! Why is my life so boring? The most interesting life is Trigonometry! I need a new hobby besides complaing about my life on a blog that no one knows about.

Am I giving up my xanga *cough*andmyspace*cough*? No, but I think I need at least one place where I can start over. I have mushy crap on my other blogs, and I think that I can hold out at least a week before I get mushy here.

I'm over it. I'm over waiting for someone who I might not even get along with. So I'm trying to let go. Will I be happy being single, especially less than 1 month away from singles awareness day? I don't think so, but theres no harm in trying right?